And the Stars Align

Georgia Pine
Georgia Pine

When a milestone comes, embrace it. Do the happy dance, you deserve it.

Whenever you push beyond the comfort zone no matter how scratchy, ridiculously uncomfortable it is.

You win.

I push the limits of my broken mind on the hour. There is no slacking, no self-pity. There is only survival.

The writing saves me, the daily dose of oxygen replenishing the brain.

Every single day writing is the respite from the invisible, discouraging, terrifying, unforeseeable challenges I face.

Every single day, I push hard.

I am rigorous, disciplined and relentless with my mental health.

Self-Publishing a book is like, yeah right, no way you can’t do it. It’s Calculus to me and I flunked Algebra.

A book, not in a million years. I can’t. It’s too hard, all the screaming voices of self-doubt polluting my head.

Yeah, I am light years and galaxies out of my comfort zone.

I push myself, harder than anyone else. I set impossible limits.

Today, my illness does not win.

I do.

Milestone days, take them and embrace the joy. Hold on tight.

They fortify and strengthen your reserve to carry on.

I tried my best.

I was not alone on my journey. There will be many to thank who cheer me on.

This milestone, for one quiet minute is all mine.

The book of Georgia Pine is here.

My gift from the stars, sun and sky to you.


the prequel to Georgia Pine

“Model turns international experiences into fiction”

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“The Vast Landscape” in the news!

Thank you, Nicki Gorny and for supporting indie authors, local bookstores, CNY and the totally awesome feature. Exciting, humbling piece and a great place to grow up.

“Once I freed it up to be fiction,” she said, “Harrison could go anywhere. I had a larger canvas for her to stomp on.” –

Nicki Gorny


image ©Ethan Sprague

Ride the Wave

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Today I deserve bragging rights. Holla. If I didn’t lose my mind, I would not see and feel the things I feel and see. I would not be the creative, far out juicy parts. I would not live Harrison’s journey so vividly. I would not understand under my skin Georgia Pine’s fierce loyalty, the maddening stunning qualities that make her vulnerable and painfully human. One of us.

Georgia Pine the book proof came today. After a year of living on-screen in two dimension, she is 3-D lovely. Georgia Pine is free, mine and soon yours. Dreaming is not easy. Dreaming is hard, like the challenges I face daily. Fuck normal, normal is overrated and underpaid.

Today, let the light shine.

Let the light shine diamonds, sparkling white.

Carry on…

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For the Love of a Ginger

Georgia Pine“Redheads always see each other. They’re very few of us.”Julianne Moore

Tres true. The subtle glance, nod across the street at a fellow ginger.

The exclusive tribe, band of fire starter sisters.

Reds are dynamic, rare, adventurous, bubbly, mysterious and cool.

Never met a ginger, crimson or dirty red I didn’t love.


“ginger gene”
Two Reds. MY BFF & I. Doubly divine.

Ain’t Nothin’ Going To Hold Me Down


Check out Rachel in the Oc‘s blog today. Excellent, important happenings.

Wordslayers in leather and hot pink lipstick. (probably just gloss)

Allie Burke’s feature, “Inside Schizophrenia: ‘I Could Be AWOL Right Now’ by @allieburkebooks” 

“Allie is an American novelist, book critic, and magazine editor from Burbank, California, Allie Burke writes books she can’t find in the bookstore. Having been recognized as writing a “kickass book that defies the genre it’s in”, Allie writes with a prose that has been labeled poetic and ethereal.”

Allie Burke’s novel, “Paper Souls” is legit LIT to check out.

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Rachel Thompson’s trending, HOT new release Broken Places, the sequel to Broken Pieces is available on Amazon.

You might catch The Vast Landscape  ad scrolling along. Way, way, cool.

Chicks ruling the world, one vowel at a time.


shhhh, my brain is healing


Benzo withdrawal and the excruciating road to recovery is well worse than the lowest, hottest depths of hell.

Actually if there was a hell, I’d probably choose to go there.

Okay, I understand prescribing a XaniBar for a short time because it is necessary to quash

the extreme anxiety tentacles vice gripping the brain.

I am Manic Depressive (not BiPolar, I despise the modernized, sensationalized term).

I understand that my illness is precarious, and all the uncertainty that is attached.

I understand that Lithium, the ‘gold standard’ drug is my best bet to stay alive.

I take it faithfully, like a daily chore you do not because you like it but simply because it’s part of your routine.

Everyday for the last 13 years I swallow my pride.

I’m not sure when Xanax became the necessity, after a traumatic event, suicidal tendencies, or the full-blown psychotic breakdown.

Does it even matter? I needed it to survive. Trouble is, it wasn’t enough. I needed more, to raise the dose to function, get through the day without doing something drastic.

I admit it, suicide is never far from my broken, tortured, chaotic mind. I am not sure why I’m still here, it’s a crapshoot.

Back to the Benzos.

How could I know back then what Benzo addiction and eventual withdrawal would do to my already damaged mind?

I am an addict. Not by choice, not by my hands.

I have lost a year or more (who’s counting) clawing my way out, chills, hallucinations, tremors, blurred vision, extreme temperature fluctuations, 94 degrees is a scary place to be trapped inside, nausea, headaches, dizziness, muscle aches, pain I have never experienced. Seasick waves, hyper sensitivity.

If you touch me I might punch you out.

I am at the benzo taper half-mark. I’ve missed so much. Trips to Cali, the beach, NY, hell just being present. Some days a trip to the nature trail with the dog is a huge accomplishment.

I am resilient. I am determined. I am not afraid to admit I’m paralyzed by fear. I blame the doctors, God, whomever is in close proximity. There is no blame, really. Bad shit happens.

I fill my arsenal with things that help with my recovery. Essential oils, strict diet, exercise, epsom salt baths, writing, watching movies, my dog. I try hard not to beat myself up. Rest, when necessary.

If your doctor writes a script for Xanax to ‘take the edge off,’ tell him to shove it and go for a walk, seek alternative treatment, try if you can to SPRINT in the other direction. If you can.

My brain is himages-1ealing. I catch a glimpse of my old, new and improved self. GABA is my new favorite word.

To everyone out there fighting, dealing with impossible challenges, breathe in 7 seconds and then breathe out 10.

Do it, again and again until your skin doesn’t crawl.

Educate yourself.

And if you meet someone who’s a little off-color, be kind.

You don’t know what hoops they’re jumping through.


Benzo Withdrawal LINKS:

Rack ’em Up


My dad was an excellent hustler. He excelled at getting you to buy random crap you didn’t need, before you even opened your mouth. He taught me how to play pool when I was five. Unfortunately, that skill did not stick. I do love a risk, and will take just about any dare. Hasty to act, without weighing the odds. Falling flat on my face, breaking bones, plunging into fifty degree water for the hell of it. I am an adrenaline junkie like my dad. I take risks. It may not be the most cautious way to live a life, it’s the one I was shown. Leaving home at 18 to follow the yellow brick road of modeling dreams, chopping off my hair because I hated being stuck in a chair with some artist tugging at it for hours (freaking hurts), dyeing it blond, moving to Europe, never looking back. Seemed cool and decadent at the time, I don’t regret seizing the opportunity. I learned a lot of valuable somethings between then and now. I prefer my hair red, I don’t like breaking bones and being stuck in the ER, and modeling is not a great self-esteem builder. Without that crazy, off-color life I’d have little to write about. So I use it all, every single descriptive detail, every moment, every exchange cramming onto the page. I let my protagonists take the risks now, while I sit back and play less pool.

Harrison is a badass with spiked red hair and Georgia Pine rocks long, enviable waves of crimson.

The release of Georgia Pine is only weeks away, I hear she wields a mean stick.


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Blonde Ambition

If You Were President


…I wouldn’t last one day

if you were President What would you do???

Too easy to preach, bitch and moan

To act

Do something, something good



If I was president,
I’d get elected on Friday, assassinated on Saturday,
and buried on Sunday.

If I was president…
If I was president

Instead of spending billions on the war,
I can use that money, to feed the poor.
I know some so poor, when it rains that’s when they shower,
when screaming “fight the power”.
That’s when the vulture devoured
If I was president,
I’d get elected on Friday, assassinated on Saturday,
and buried on Sunday.

If I was president…
If I was president…
If I was president…
If I was president

But the radio won’t play this.
They call this rebel music.
How can you refuse it, children of moses?
If I was president,
I’d get elected on Friday, assassinated on Saturday,
and buried on Sunday.

If I was president…
If i was president

Tell the children the truth, the truth.
Christopher Columbus didn’t discover America.
Tell them the truth.
The truth
YEAH! Tell them about Marcus Garvey.
Tell the children, the truth, yeah! The truth
Tell them about Martin Luther King.
Tell them the truth.
The Truth.
Tell them about JFK

If I was President

If I was president,
I’d get elected on Friday, assassinated on Saturday,
and buried on Sunday.

If I was president…
If I was president


Call Me Crazy or Call Me a TEN

A friend mentioned my author feature and The Vast Landscape article made the CITIZEN’S Top-Ten most-read feature stories of 2014. After a particularly, challenging shiteous week with my precarious mental health the news was well, friggin’ awesome. I am in excellent company. While I have not been my ‘model’ self for some time, I managed to write and self-publish a top-ten book. Thank you, Carrie Chantler for the lovely, articulate feature and thank you to my hometown for welcoming me back without googly eyes and judgement.

I will keep speaking out, working hard, using my voice and well, pushing boundaries.

Georgia Pine’s release, the sequel to The Vast Landscape is weeks away.

I rise to the challenge, or crawl however I get there.

Never. Quit. Your. Dreams.

Modify when necessary. 


The Citizen’s top 10 most-read feature stories of 2014: Jenna Hinman, Tinkers Guild, Prison City Pub & Brewery and more

December 23, 2014
The Citizen’s most-read feature stories of 2014 include our introduction to Jenna Hinman’s story, memories of Tinkers Guild shortly after it burned down, a visit to the Northeast Naturist Festival in Summerhill and more!

Author Feature The Citizen
The Citizen Top-Ten

10 of 10

“After 17-year detour into modeling career, Auburn native finishes her first novel.”

FULL LINK:–year-detour-into-modeling-career-auburn-native-finishes/article_853a739d-a5f2-5910-a074-87a0c4cec5e1.html



Actual, Extraordinary Women Turning Me On

“And what I think is new is the wealth of roles for actual women in television and in film. That’s what I think is revolutionary, and evolutionary, and it’s what’s turning me on.” – Maggie Gyllenhaal

Right on Maggie for sharing the win, for reconfirming the complexities of women are the dimensions that shine, lighting from the inside. I have always known that beauty is most beautiful when raw and exposed.

Broken Pieces by Rachel Thompson speaks from the heart and the gut, searing honesty exposing grief, pain, abuse and ultimately love set free in truth. A collection of brave, bold essays unafraid to take us into the dark. The light finds its way into the deepest crevices, caverns of life’s experiences. Ms. Thompson is an extraordinary, actual woman. Those are the best kind.


“This is a book about fracture. About the experiences that make up a life. About the pieces of me.

Delving into naked emotion is a terrifying proposition. Digging into our souls to look for answers that may not be there is a ledge most of us avoid.

And yet, here I am.”
Rachel Thompson, Broken Pieces

Strive for authenticity, self- pride, accomplishment and accolades will follow.

I shine the light on Rachel Thompson, using her voice to speak uncomfortable truths.

Actual women are evolutionary, extraordinary, revolutionary. There is room for us all.

Right on, Ms. Gyllenhaal. I’m with you.